Aging                           

My gran-dotter say, how do you feel?
I say, “pretty damn gud, was’ de deal?
She say you pushin’ big nine-o
I say, hon, is not good time to go
Is a cupel mor’ years befor de big keel!
        And,
My VA quack sez my BP’s high
Too much salt, he sez, tha’s why
He say, any day I catch a stroke
(And I don’t tink this old fart joke)
I say, OK, I give a try.
        I hear,
War mart sell BP machine, OK?
I dink is fifty I have to pay
Get it home, looks easy to do
Holy scheissen, ---one eighty two!
And you dink you had a crappy day?
        So,
Da VA put me on a cell phone leesh
I gotta call and speak my piece;
“Did you take you meds today?”
Then, “punch in one, or you can say,
Yes or no”, (this way they teach)
        Lady say,
Like “’tro your sal’ shaker oud da trash”
I say to phone, “go kiss my ass”
Any way, I ‘trow out de soups
Dey in de lousy sodium groups
She say, all good stuff, I gotta pass.
        Take,
Gravy, ice cream; all gotta go
And, no more salt, on de boil potato;
He say, “eat oatmeal, every day”
I say , “you wanna live dis way?”
He say, “is up to you”, and I say “hell no”
        Then,
‘Bout two AM, I come wide awake
Big toes stiff like garden rake
I get outta bed, but pain too much
Fall down de floor, try to touch
My toes; maybe give good shake.
        OK
Finly gat up but not so far
Got to gat to de friggin’ car;
Gat far as de sofa, better rest
Try to tink wha’ might be best
Maybe call Corky; he ain’t far
        And,
Was last I think, before I doze,
That no good, ‘cause I suppose,
It middle of nite, all guys asleep
So I pass out, wid out a peep
Not dinkin’ about de big hot toes.           
        Now
Is sis oclock and de sun she shining
And wid it I’m see-in a silver lining;
My toes are all like dey was before
My old skinni ass hit de dam floor
So now, dear God, can I quit dis whining?