My gran-dotter say, how do you feel?
I say, “pretty damn gud, was’ de deal?
She say you pushin’ big nine-o
I say, hon, is not good time to go
Is a cupel mor’ years befor de big keel!
My VA quack sez my BP’s high
Too much salt, he sez, tha’s why
He say, any day I catch a stroke
(And I don’t tink this old fart joke)
I say, OK, I give a try.
War mart sell BP machine, OK?
I dink is fifty I have to pay
Get it home, looks easy to do
Holy scheissen, ---one eighty two!
And you dink you had a crappy day?
Da VA put me on a cell phone leesh
I gotta call and speak my piece;
“Did you take you meds today?”
Then, “punch in one, or you can say,
Yes or no”, (this way they teach)
Like “’tro your sal’ shaker oud da trash”
I say to phone, “go kiss my ass”
Any way, I ‘trow out de soups
Dey in de lousy sodium groups
She say, all good stuff, I gotta pass.
Gravy, ice cream; all gotta go
And, no more salt, on de boil potato;
He say, “eat oatmeal, every day”
I say , “you wanna live dis way?”
He say, “is up to you”, and I say “hell no”
‘Bout two AM, I come wide awake
Big toes stiff like garden rake
I get outta bed, but pain too much
Fall down de floor, try to touch
My toes; maybe give good shake.
Finly gat up but not so far
Got to gat to de friggin’ car;
Gat far as de sofa, better rest
Try to tink wha’ might be best
Maybe call Corky; he ain’t far
Was last I think, before I doze,
That no good, ‘cause I suppose,
It middle of nite, all guys asleep
So I pass out, wid out a peep
Not dinkin’ about de big hot toes.
Is sis oclock and de sun she shining
And wid it I’m see-in a silver lining;
My toes are all like dey was before
My old skinni ass hit de dam floor
So now, dear God, can I quit dis whining?