The Attic Affair
We were up in a neighbor’s attic
Me, my brother and Pearl;
She said, “it’s so romantic
“Two boys and only one girl”
“I want to kiss only one boy
To see if it’s really fun
So whoever has the biggest toy
Will be the lucky one“.
Well, I was five and too confused;
My brother was six and ready
Pearl was seven and highly amused
“Maybe I’m too young to go steady.”
So, down came my knickers
And my brother Dick’s too;
Sally got a bad case of snickers
Saying, “here’s what you have to do.”
“You two take out your ding dings,
While I go find a ruler.”
Well, I was sweating bullets,
And Richard was not much cooler.
So, downstairs goes Pearl,
While our things are hanging out
Dick gives his a twirl!
Then we hear her mother shout!
“Why do you need the ruler, hon?”
I say, “Let‘s get outta here.”
Dick says, “but we ain‘t quite done”
(I’d never known such fear.)
Then we hear the foot steps from below,
And we know that isn’t Pearl;
Dick says, “quick to the window”
That’s sure no little girl!
The house was two stories high\
Plus the attic we’re standing in;
I say, “Dick, you think we can fly?
No? Then I think we’re in trouble again”
Mom will get mad, I’m sure of that
And she doesn’t get mad very often;
But this time she’ll use her baseball bat
And we’ll wind up in Granny’s old coffin.
Well, Dick’s then saying “well, hello”
To Pearl’s very mad mommy
Who’s holding our friend, down below,
And I’m getting sick to my tummy.
“Put on your pants, kids”, she says
“This party’s come to an end
And I’ll see your mother one of these days
On that you can depend.”
Fast forward, to the end of the war
It’s the summer of forty-six’
I’m having a drink at the Tooth and Claw,
Checking the new social mix.
I haven’t seen this old town
Since the summer of thirty-nine;
But, now it’s a place of world renown,
This great old home town of mine.
I’m visiting an old friend or two;
We’ve been seated in this crowded café,
The town is filled by another crew:
Students at study and at play
Suddenly I’m seized by a female stare,
She’s sitting with two other girls;
The same mass of gorgeous blonde hair
Fixed in the same ‘thirties curls
Then she took her little thumb
Held it high over the table
I laughed until I was almost num
My God, is she now Betty Grable?